Hello old friend.

Published by Melanie under on 7:42 AM
Wow. It's been a while.

I have been dealing with an inner struggle to find balance between "healthy" and "happy."

It seems that I am constantly on an extreme roller coaster ride...very strict for a week about being healthy...no cheating, no splurges, no "fun" foods. After about a week, my willpower to say no to fun (aka tasty) foods dies down and I am (yet again) in a low spot splurging on fast food, cookies, ice cream, or what ever may come my way.

I
Hate
it.

I realize that I am like SO many other people out there who struggle with this monster...this thing that, no matter how hard we try to not let it, consumes our ever thought...every action...every second of every day. WEIGHT.

It's easy to say that I know I'm on the road to being healthy, and being healthy is after all my ultimate goal in loosing weight. It's easy to say, because it's true. It is also true, however, that loosing the weight, seeing the changes on my body AND scale, is the ONLY thing that makes me happy. Results. I want to see RESULTS.

And I don't. And I am easily discouraged. And I've fallen off the wagon a thousand times as a result of not seeing results.

I read somewhere that it doesn't matter how many times you fall. If you've fallen a thousand times, get up a thousand and one. The truth of the matter is that I'm tired of falling. It hurts. Every time I get up, it's harder than the last time...and that makes falling much easier.

At some point, I need to ask myself, no...TELL myself, I am DONE falling. Done with the extreme roller coaster. Done with failing.

Easier said than done. So much easier said....

I recently started to MAKE time for myself to read. I love reading. I may only find that time late at night when everyone in the house is sleeping, but it is time that I have found...a few hours a night that I truly look forward to. In finding this time to read, I have become addicted to the Twilight series. Yes, (hanging my head) I admit it. I finished the 2ND book in 2 days...addicted, obsessed...I know. Anyway, my point to admitting this, was that I CAN NOT wait to start the 3rd book. So, rather than just going out, buying it and starting it tonight, I'm going to use this energy of WANT and turn it into motivation. I can get the 3rd book when I have lost 5 pounds. Not 10, 15 or 20. Just 5. Every additional 10 pounds I will "reward" myself with another book (next in line will be Breaking Dawn, book #4).

Another change (in addition to using books as rewards) is that I will NOT be dieting. Diets, for me anyway, fail because they don't allow me to enjoy anything. Anything I put in my mouth is bland, a chore, and all I think of all day is food...I only DREAM about the next time I can have something "normal". I will, instead, be making healthy choices. I will allow myself to indulge in "treats" but within limits...say, 3 small bites of a dessert, or 1/2 the serving size of chips. I hope that along with set limits on EVERYTHING (thus not depriving myself of cravings) along with the VERY STRONG motivation to read ECLIPSE, I will be more successful.

I addition to my eating plan, I am going to to work out at least 5 days a week.

Here's to getting up....again....and (with any luck) staying on my feet this time!

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