Seriously? Seriously!

Published by Melanie under on 9:41 AM
Last night, as I changed for bootcamp, I was so excited to see that the pants that I wore my first night (which by the way were tight) were now very baggy.

I rushed to get my camera so that I could take some more "after" shots...anxiously anticipating the side by side comparison that would follow.

I went to Coleton's practice, then bootcamp...all the while flying high that I was walking around in pants that were CLEARLY too big. Once at bootcamp, we warmed up with our walk/run...and while running, my pants AND underwear were both falling down. I secretly pulled them up while simultaneously doing a little happy dance.

After a GRUELING workout, I went home to compare my last picture (taken at 8 weeks) with the one from last night (16 weeks). The results?

No change...what so ever!!

Seriously?? Seriously!! I can't even remember the last time I was so disappointed.

I absolutely HATE the fact that I consume every day with "weight" on the brain.

I hate that I get so hopeful only to be let myself.

What more can I be doing? Am I destined to be overweight my entire life?

I was hit with a real wake up call this afternoon while meeting with one of our company's insurance brokers. We have dealt closely with her for the past 9 years, and I consider her a friend. She is the most kind, unselfish, grounded, and simple people I have ever met. As she met with us today to review insurance renewal options, I commented that I liked her new hair style and asked her if it was new. Her reply caught me completely off guard. She said, "Oh thank you. Actually, it's a wig, very easy to handle and low maintenance. I have cancer."

Further discussion revealed that she had been fighting 2 tumors in her abdomen (diagnosed as lymphoma) for a few months, and has finally requested that her Dr.'s stop treatment. There had been no progress with the tumors and she would rather live her life as she pleases than be miserable in a hospital bed waiting to die. She said, "It's good really. I never wanted to be old anyway."

Here I am, so concerned about my appearance, when it finally hit me...

It's not about what you look's about being HEALTHY. Though it would be nice to be a size 6, 8, 10, or even 12, my ultimate goal is to get healthy so that I can live long enough to see my kids grow up...healthy enough to play with my kids while I still can....healthy enough so that I can do daily activities without feeling like my first myocardial infarction is just around the corner.

So, while I may not be changing externally, I know that by eating healthy and exercising 5-6 times a week, I am changing internally...and that is where the change matters most.


Mom said... @ February 5, 2009 at 1:46 PM

I'm so glad that you realized that being healthy should be your ultimate goal! As I was reading, I was feeling bad that you felt like you hadn't made any progress, but I kept thinking, "but she's healthier, and that's most important"......I'm glad I didn't have to tell you that. Sometimes God places people in our paths to teach us in a big way. I'm sorry to hear about your friend; I'll say a prayer for her.
I love you!

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