Looking back

Published by Melanie under on 8:31 AM
I saw a question on someones blog this morning. It said, "What would you say to yourself 5, 10 or 15 years ago regarding where you are now?"

It made me think...what WOULD I say? I think that 5 years ago there really wouldn't be much to say...things are pretty much where they are now...but 10 or 15 years ago?

10 years ago this month Elmo & I were married. January 30 is our 10th anniversary. 10 years ago we engaged in a long, painful and expensive battle for custody of Erik. 10 years ago I discovered I was pregnant with Paige, starting life as a mom & wife all at once, and already thought I was fat. 10 years ago my life began, and though there are parts that I wish I could change or tweak, I am VERY happy with where I am NOW.

If I could somehow visit with myself at age 20, I would give the following advice:

  1. Weight is just a number...that Y-O-U control. Maintain control. Don't forget that diet is just as important as exercise. Don't forget to take care of YOU. No one will ever love you more than you love yourself. Don't forget to love yourself. No one will take care of you if you don't take care of yourself. If you're hiding what you're eating...you shouldn't be eating it. Eating may comfort your current dilemmas, but it will also bring a whole other one in days to come which will not be so easily ignored.
  2. No one will ever tell you that life is easy, and if they do, they're lying. You will have days where you will wonder if the choices you're making today are right. Have faith that you know what is best for you. Faith doesn't make things easy, it makes them possible.
  3. Don't lose contact with those you hold dear. Memories of them will haunt you, and you will find yourself regretting the day you let them go, constantly wondering where they are, how they are, and missing them.
  4. Your kids will be the best thing that ever happen to you. Some days, they will also be the worst. Always remember to tell them, show them, and make sure that they know that you love them. Make sure they know you will always be there...for what ever they need, when ever they need it. Nothing will ever be more important than them. Be the best example you can be in all that you do, and always make time for them.
  5. Don't forget that marriage takes work. With the support of your husband, you will move mountains. As a team you will fight, love, laugh and cry, but you will do it together. Life is unplanned, unscripted, and unknown, but with Elmo by your side, you will never face it alone. As a team you will be unstoppable.

I look back and now realize that in 10 years, Elmo and I have been through so much. We've hit some very dark challenges, and some days I didn't know if we would make it. We've faced every obstacle that life and God has thrown at us and still managed to come through together...stronger and with more love, respect and faith in each other than on the day we married. Through everything, life, death, moves, financial struggles, custody battle, ERIK, family, we have become such a strong entity that I can not imagine my life without him. I can not imagine facing things without his support or love. For him I am thankful. I am proud that we made it through some VERY difficult times. We have made it, when even I didn't know if we would.

I am now at a point in my life when I can focus on ME. I can do things that better myself, and I know that NOW is different than 10 years (or even 5) ago because of how life has changed. No longer am I preoccupied with holding my family together through past stresses. No longer do I find the need to justify to MYSELF that I am worth the time. No longer do I need to shy away from "Just doing it" because I lack support. I am finally optimistic that this year IS a new year...not only by the year change, but also by all of the changes that have taken place and allowed me to let go of past anchors...permitting me to float freely on the sea of opportunity and promise. There is nothing holding me back...nothing weighing me down. There are no more excuses.

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