New year, New month, New attitude

Published by Melanie under on 9:16 AM
Welcome 2009!

This year I resolve to continue my Boot Camp regime, cut out diet soda COMPLETELY, decrease my whites intake, and increase my self esteem. I resolve to be content with myself and my life...with what I have, and with what I do NOT have. I resolve to make more time for fun and games, and to enjoy my beautiful kids...while they're still small enough to let me be part of their lives. I resolve to show my love for my husband more than in the past...whether he likes it or not :0)...and to let his small imperfections be less of an irritation to me.

It seems like its been FOREVER since I've blogged...2 weeks went by like the wind...and I can't believe that the holidays are over. Though I'm sad all of the FUN is done...I am honestly so glad to be back on a schedule and that things are back to normal...well, as normal as possible anyway!

Over the "break", I ran/walked my first 5K. My feelings on this were so incredibly mixed, I was beginning to feel like there was something wrong with me. Long story short, Heather & Doug (sister & brother in law) came down for my Dad's wedding. As they are avid runners (athletes in general...you name it, they do it...they amaze me) and were making their trek from frigid New Hampshire, they wanted to take advantage of the flat terrain & warm(er) weather by participating in the Annual New Year's Day 5K hosted by the Phoenix Zoo. I admit that I was NOT thrilled in the least that they wanted to take time away from us to RUN, but...rather than whine & complain about it, I decided to join them. Crazy, I know.

I had butterflies in my stomach as the day neared...much like those that appeared the night of my first boot camp. Self esteem lacking, I tried to convince Heather that there was NO WAY I could run the whole thing, and I didn't want her to feel like I was holding her back. However, since Heather is simply the best sister in the world, she reassured me that she didn't care. Doug, on the other hand, wanted to WIN, so he ran on his own...and got an AMAZING time...but that's another story.

We began well...even though the first few minutes were up hill...what's up with that?!?!

We ran until I couldn't breathe...and then we walked until I caught my breath. This continued for the duration of the run. I can not even begin to describe the despair I felt when I saw the 1/2 mile marker. Half a mile...THAT'S IT?!?! I began to consume myself with self-doubt, pessamistic thoughts, and (quite frankly) anger. I didn't think I could continue...Heather asked me if I wanted to only do 1 mile...and surprisingly, without even thinking, I said NO. I didn't want to give up...I didn't want to fail myself or Heather. I didn't want to disappoint myself...or Heather. I was so exhausted, but I WILL NOT QUIT.

I did my best...and I can say that with complete honesty. I ran every ounce of running that was in me, and walked when I needed to. My calves and shins were dying, so I stopped to stretch when I couldn't go anymore. I faced that 5K head on, and did my very best, and that's all I can ask of me.

I can't remember what our time was...and that's on purpose for a few reasons.

1. I didn't participate to race or win...I participated to acheive a goal. My goal was to simply finish.

2. Heather & I kind of lost the trail that we were supposed to be running...and ended up completing a lot more....a mile more to be exact....than anyone else.

When we were done, I was so relieved. Yes, relieved is the word...at the time I wasn't proud, or happy, or even acomplished. I think that was because once we realized that we were lost, the ambiance of crossing the finish line changed from victory and pride to relief and exhaustion. In any event, I met my goal and then some...and I couldn't have asked for better company to make that memory with.

Now that I'm done and a few days have passed, I am proud of what I did. I am proud that I didn't quit, proud that I pushed myself so hard, and proud that I was proactive to participate rather than complain.

What a great way to start off the New Year.

I am excited to know that for once, I will be accomplishing the resolution that I have set myself up to fail for the last 10 years.

I will succede...I will conquer....I will...I will...I will...

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